Who's writing and why?

Leicester, 10^th October 2011

"Hi diary. I don't know who you are, but I feel like I should introduce myself. I am actually very good in introducing myself by now, because I've been practising it for the last three weeks.

What's your name? What's your course? Where are you from? What do you expect from uni? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What's your shoe size?

Choose one and I'll give you the most truthful, well thought out and interesting answer I can make up.

Why I am studying Creative Writing? Well, that's really obvious, isn't it? Because I love writing. Stupid question by the way, can't you think of another … sorry? What I am planning to do with a bachelor's degree in Creative Writing? Well, that's even more obvious, isn't it? I'll become a jobless freak.

I'll join the society of passionate, brilliant, failed authors living with permanently inky fingers, getting more and more desperate with every declined manuscript, starting to smoke, standing lonely outside on a cold winter day, wearing a scarf and an old, woollen, purple fleece (yes, it has to be purple), watching the cigarette's smoke blowing away in the frosty air and asking for the meaning of life, feeling the tears freezing on the cheeks; quietly murmuring poems to the inner you, starting to drink, mostly gin, but also red wine and whisky (I always wanted to try whisky!) and finally living on the street, rejected from the family, abandoned by the sweetheart, eating rotted bananas from the waste bin, collecting old bottles and having a sign round the neck saying: 'heartbroken misunderstood author who's poetic voice cannot be heard by the world's mundane ear. Thanks for your contribution for the heritage conservation.'

You've my apologies, I didn't mean to be rude. But, honestly, you'll never ask a law student what he plans to do with his degree, do you? Some people are made to understand the beautiful aesthetic of a written word and some people agree with spending their whole life in a dusty office, doing boring paperwork. Sorry, I didn't mean to be offensive, just saying the truth. What do you study by the way?

Yes, I know you're only a notebook, of course I do know that, stop looking at me as if I am mental or anything, I just wanted to make conversation. We don't have to talk, if you don't want to, I'll never wanted to talk to you anyway, I don't even like you, just tried to be polite. And now get back to your law-business-and-medicine-studying-so-called-friends! Yes, I know, you're not real, thanks for reminding me. Let's just finish with that stupid entry, so I don't have to see your ugly face any more. - what was the topic? Introduction, of course.

Hello. Nice to meet you. I am studying Creative Writing and Drama Studies. I have spent most of my life time trying to be Katharina, but occasionally I shifted to Katha, Kathi, Katti, Cat or Hermione Granger. I think I was happiest being the last."